if youre Tobi.
1) Call him Deidei <3
2) Tell him how AWESOME Sasuke is in your opinion.
3) Tell him how even more awesome and supercool Itachi is in your opinion.
4) Shout, Tobi is a good boy! again and again and again and again and again.
5) Tell him that he's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen!
6) When Deidara lets explode some of his clay, say, Whoa, Senpai, THAT sure was a loud fart!
7) Plait his hair while hes asleep and add a cute pink ribbon ^^
8) Glomp him <3
9) Eat some yummy icecream while hes busy trying to catch a Jinchuriki.
10) Once he caught the Jinchuriki, brag about how you caught this Jinchuriki all by yourself.
11) When hes going to kill you because of your bragging, ask him if he wants some yummy icecream, too, so he could cool down a bit.
12) When hes trying to choke you because of those words, start crying and run to your leader, screaming, Pein-sama! Mean Deidei hit poor Tobi! Now Tobi has ouchie TT_TT Thats not okay! Tobi is a good boy. Deidei should be nice to Tobi!
13) Use your Sharingan on Deidara to make him fall asleep while hes eating some crème layer cake ^^
14) Once he wakes up, pour out a bucket of cold water above his head in order to wash the crème off his face.
15) After that, you better run to your leader again, screaming for help. (And be sure to hurry! O_O )
16) Ask him if he uses lipstick only for his normal mouth, or also for the mouths on his hands.
17) Yawn when hes talking to you. Loud and long
18) If yawning isnt enough: Take out a pillow and go sleep.
19) Bake a cake for him while hes on a mission ^^ And be sure not forget to add frosting in the shape of a heart.
20) Complain loudly about how Zetsu was a so much better senpai than Deidara.
21) Ask Deidara if you may drop the senpai and call him Deidara-chan instead.
22) Buy a Barbie and give it to Deidara with the words, Whoa, look, senpai! Theyre selling action figures of you!
23) Sing a song for him ^^ How about:
Deidei-chan, and Tobi-san,
are now having so much fun!
Deidei makes a little toy
for Tobi cause hes a good boy!
24) Tell him that he reminds you of a certain antique Greek statue both have no arms
25) Buy a dog and name it after Deidara. Then teach the dog the basic commands: Sit, Deidara! Now lie down! Well done. Goooood Deidara!
26) Copy the Yamanakas mental transfer jutsu with your sharingan and use it on Deidara. The rest is only a question of your imagination. (*cough* dancing around in pink underwear *cough* confessing your love to Konan in front of Pein *cough* applying for Konohas Next Top Model *cough* )
27) Go capture Lee. Bring him to Deidara. As Deidara probably wont be happy (because Lees no Jinchuriki), explain to him that youll use Lee as a bait. Then give Lee sake or any other sort of alcohol. Then: Run.
28) When you return later, the Akatsuki hideout should be entirely destroyed. Tell Pein that the reason MUST have been one of Deidaras explosions.
29) While Peins hunting down Deidara, go search Lee. (He must be lying around somewhere in these ruins.) Take his jumpsuit. Then give it to Deidara as a gift and insist on that he wears it ^^
30) Bring Deidara a flower garland for his beautiful hair ^^
31) If he refuses to wear it: Start crying until he finally gives in. Dont give up! You cant miss the chance on seeing Deidara in a green jumpsuit, wearing a flower garland. And if youre annoying enough, maybe you can even bring him to hold some leaves in his hands
32) Once he wears the garland, remember: Flowers shall stay fresh. Water them.
33) When Deidara after that orders you to bring him a towel, give him a diaper that you spread brown choclate on.
34) Buy him a necklace because it so much suits his shining eyes!
35) Ask him if he has always been that weird, or if he became that way when he got older.
36) When you two get to know a new person, use the chance to give said one a good advice: Point at Deidaras (non-existing) arms and introduce him with the words, See thats what happens if youre chewing on your finger nails.
37) A good way to pass the time if youre bored: Summon Kyubi and order him to hunt Deidara. That sure is fun to watch ^^
38) While Kyubi and Deidara are busy playing with each other, go fetch a cassette recorder and tape Deidaras various shrieks. Then make a re-mix of them and play it to Deidara.
39) Enrol him as an actor for the leading role of the new stage play: Sleeping Beauty <3
40) Poor Deidara is so lonely, so get him a partner: Put an advertisement into the newspaper:
He, 19 years old, long blond hair, slim, well-groomed appearance, searches for her, 16-18, attractive, skilled kunoichi. My hobbies are killing Uchihas and hunting giant beasts in order to take over the world. If youre a funny, sweet person whod like to spread fear and death with me, mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Make sure to include the adress of the Akatsuki hideout! Its so boring in that gloomy cave, anyway
41) Unfortunately, Deidara isnt really a ladykiller, so despite your great efforts to get him a girlfriend, he may not be too successful with the girls. In order to cheer him up, dress up as a girl and act as if you were in love with him. Thatll give him some self-confidence. Later, you can tell Deidara about your true identity then. A good point of time is when he proposes marriage to you: Aw, I feel so honoured, Deidei-kun! But I must tell you something first! Take off your disguise now. Tadaa! See, its me! Tobis a good boy, isnt he? ^^
42) Convince Pein that Deidara should do the Akatsuki correpsondence in the future after all, someone has to lick the stamps, and who would be better for the job than Deidara with his three mouths? (Deidare sure will love his exciting, eventful new assignment.)
43) Ask Deidara how he can be from the rock village, even though he doesnt rock at all but on the contrary is totally lame.
44) Casually ask him, Deidara-senpai, once either of the Uchiha brothers killed you, can I have your room then?
45) You worship Deidara, dont you? So, how about making a movie about him? Of course, everything has to be as authentic as possible. So leave the main role to Deidara himself without him kowing about it, so he wont have stage fright
That means, film him secretly twentyfour hours a day. When hes singing in the shower, when hes painting his finger nails, when hes sleeping with a sweet little fluffy stuffed kitty in his arms. (By the way: Be careful when youre placing said kitty there, so he wont wake up.)
46) Talking about movies: You and Deidara have to spend more time together. How about watching Lord of the Rings together? Youll even see a member of Deidaras family there! Make sure to point this out to Deidara: Whoa, look, Deidara-senpai! Theres your twin brother! He looks exactly like you and his names Leg-o-less, while youre Arm-o-less.
47) Darn, now Deidaras hurting again about having lost his arms Cheer him up: Hey, Deidara-senpai! There are worse things than being armless. Being harmless for example! Haha! Oh, wait
Without your arms, you are harmless. Never mind.
48) Okay, since that didnt work, you have to think of something else to demonstrate Deidara that hes still in the middle of life! Enrole him for the next Paralympics ^^
49) Secretly switch his clay with peanut butter ^^
50) Betray Kisame a secret you cant keep to yourself anymore: Deidara thinks Kisame and his sword look like fish and chips! Then get some popcorn and watch Kisame demonstrating to Deidara that Samehada is not a chip, but a very powerful weapon that can cause painful injuries.